Positively Thankful

“I am thankful for laughter,

except when milk comes out of my nose.”

~Woody Allen

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. During this past weekend I had a most blessed time with both my family and my husbands family. Due to circumstances we visited with each family separately, but it was wonderful seeing everyone, smiling, laughing and having a beautiful time. I really am blessed to have such amazing people in my life.

As always, during this time of year I really do look at what I’m thankful for in my life. Like many people, sometimes those things I’m thankful for get lost in the fog of self pity, depression, confusion and so much more. Lucky for me I am usually able to quickly move through those emotions and get back to my regular spunky, optimistic self. And that is something I am truly thankful for this holiday season: my positive personality. I don’t have room to dwell on the negative emotions in my life for long periods of time, so I allow them to run their short lived course, then I pick myself back up.

I won’t lie and tell you that being positive is easy (although if you’re new to it, it gets easier the longer you do it). I also won’t tell you that you will never have a negative moment or that you won’t have to make difficult decisions that leave you and/or others unhappy in the end. This is life. It’s how it works and the best you can do is try to keep smiling and always search for the proverbial silver lining on those rain clouds.

“Adopting the right attitude can convert

a negative stress into a positive one.”

~Dr. Hans Selye

This Thanksgiving, I had one of those rain clouds descend on me. A time for fun, family, friends and food; and I didn’t invite one of my sisters. I won’t go into great detail on the reasons for not inviting her, but I will say my reasons have to do with emotional toxicity and a history of family gatherings leaving people with a bit more than soured to her presence. It’s not easy standing up and deciding that I am better off without her in my life, but in all honesty, I distanced myself from her years ago and my family knew it. Even after I distanced myself, her behavior continued with the rest of the family. So, I decided if I wanted this to be a positive and emotionally safe environment for my children (and for my sanity) she was not welcome in my home. I knew that she would be upset once she found out about it, but in my opinion, that wasn’t my concern. I’m a firm believer in natural consequences and for her that is exactly what this is. If you treat people badly enough for long enough, they will no longer want to be around you. My mother decided that I should forgive and forget and invite her anyway and if I didn’t invite her then she wouldn’t come either. I told her that was her choice and the decision stands. My mother did not attend Thanksgiving with us. Had I decided to invite my sister, at least one of my other sisters would not have come and I’m pretty sure several other people would have gone with their alternate holiday plans, leaving me to deal with the toxicity alone.

“Always look on the bright side of life”

~Eric Idle (Monty Python’s Life of Brian)

I’m happy with my decision. The reason I’m talking about it here is because it’s important for me to share that being positive does not always mean that everyone comes out happy in the end. It means you have the ability to look on the bright side of life, even during the difficult times. For me, by standing with my decision, I may have made one or two people unhappy, but in the long run I maintained a positive environment for my children and it was a good natured place for the rest of my family to get together without walking on eggshells wondering who was going to bring up a trigger topic that would end in yelling, crying and a stream of gossiping about it for years to come.

I am thankful for my positive personality. I am thankful I have the strength to say I will not be treated with disrespect. I am thankful I have the ability to do what I feel is best for my children. I am thankful I have people who support my decisions, even if they don’t agree with them (even though my mother did not come, we still have a good relationship and did not argue over this situation). I am thankful for a lot of things in my life, especially the ability to deal with difficult situations and maintain a positive outlook on them no matter what happens.

Did you have a positive Thanksgiving? What are you thankful for?

Comments

Crunchy Frugalista

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Thanks so much for sharing your story. My husband and I decided a few years ago to distance from his family for this reason exactly.

Here’s a positive Turkey Day 🙂

- Mary
  
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  I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one with this problem. I was a bit worried I was trying to justify a decision that wasn’t right, but the more I thought about it, the more I figured I wasn’t doing anyone any favors (even her) by inviting her. Sometimes letting the behavior go on is like saying “I’m okay with your actions” thus enabling. She’s been told her behavior isn’t appreciated and it continues. I hope you haven’t had any problems with your decision. I refuse to let anyone bring me down because of mine.
  
Debi@The Spring Mount 6 Pack

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Sadly, I do understand these issues too. And I do not see it ending in my life anytime soon. In fact, I see it continuing on for my kids too. But you have to stand up and make your life a better environment for you and your kids and that is all that matters.

Danielle Simmons

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Having that type of person around can be draining for everyone. I’m glad you stuck to your decision and enjoyed the holidays. Hopefully she’ll realize that she needs to change her perception on life or ask for the help she needs to do so.

BoyzRuleOurWorld

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Kudos to you to sticking with your choice not to invite your sister. I know that must have been very hard to do but you’re right. You can’t have toxic people around I’m a firm believer in that. Its her loss and your sanity.

Cheap Is The *New* Classy

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Too many people think that you should turn the other cheek – all the time, no matter what. I do not agree. There are certain members of my family that I no longer speak with either. You can try and try and then it’s time to realize things won’t change.

I wish you lots of peace with your decision. Don’t let other people tell you how to live your life.

Dawn

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